Girl: Mom, today the teacher beat me for something that I didn't do.
Mother: That's very bad of your teacher. What was it that you didn't do?
Girl: The homework.
Man1: Your kid just looks like you.
Man2: Shhh, not so loud. That's the next door lady's kid.
pete: miss can i go to the toilet
teacher: no, not unless you say your abc's
pete: ok, abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz
teacher: where's the p
pete: running down my leg
Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.