Humour, Jokes and Comedy Clips http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:37:09 -0500 1440 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=86309
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.

Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.

"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really F***, I've got nothing left to live for!"

Regards.

Veena ]]> Fri, 13 Nov 2009 05:07:45 -0500 86309 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=86291
She ran to the Doc and said:
Doctor, Doctor!.....There's a nurse in room 250 thats performing a sex act with the patient using her hands!

The Doctor calmly replied "Its ok the patient in room 150 has a very rare disease!
He must have sex several times a day or his testicals will explode" '

She looks puzzled at the Doc and says..... "Really?"
The Doc Replies..... "Yes....Its true"

So she goes about doing her rounds and walks into another room and was shocked at what she had seen!

She runs to the Doc and says:
Doctor, Doctor! there nurse in room 270 And she is on top of the patient having Wild Sex with him!

The Doc replies "Its ok nurse,... he also has the same very rare disease as the patient in Room 250"

"He just has better insurance"

Theres one for Health Care Reform!]]> Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:55:42 -0500 86291 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=86287
They meet for coffee at a local Barista every morning.

One morning, while sipping her coffee the brunette says:

"Guess what sis? I slept with a brazilian guy last night"

The blonde coughes and chokes on her coffee and replies:

OMG!....You Slut,........ exactly how many is a Brazillion?]]> Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:55:26 -0500 86287 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=85540

Titanic is the best Movie in 20th Century.. and now the Sequel Movie will Launch..

This is Titanic - 2[spoiler=Titanic - 2]

the Shooting Location is near River ..[/spoiler]


Comment Please.. ]]> Sat, 31 Oct 2009 20:36:23 -0400 85540 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=85355
Here is the blog link:Stuff White People Like

It is also a great example of a very successful and lucrative blog.

It is a fact that white people will never turn down an opportunity to enlighten other people on the correct way to think. While this is very easy to do through email or face to face conversation, it is exceptionally difficult to do while driving a car. Fortunately for white people there is a solution that is both popular and ineffective: bumper stickers.

Before talking about the types of bumper stickers that white people like, it’s very important to get an understanding about layout and placement. When a white person drives an older car (6+ years old) that has a resale value under $2000, they will coat the entire backside of the car in bumper stickers. Because of the abundance of space they are free to include stickers from all areas of white support: music, politics, the environment, insults to right wing politicians, and various movements that tell people to keep a city “weird.”

But when white people have a nice new car such as a Prius or an Audi station wagon, the fear of losing resale value prevents them from applying more than one sticker. Therefore that one sticker must properly capture the essence of the car and the political views of the driver.

The safest and most accepted choice for a sticker is always one that supports a Democratic Presidential candidate (Ralph Nader is an acceptable substitute). As of February 2008, white law requires an Obama 08 bumper sticker to be placed on the back of every Prius. Though these stickers reach peak effectiveness during an election year, it is acceptable to leave this sticker on the car until the next election regardless of whether or not the candidate actually won. If it’s a disputed election like in 2000, the sticker can be left on for the life of the car.

If a white person does not feel like supporting a candidate, they will likely select a bumper sticker that tells other people what to do. Some popular ones include telling people to Coexist and to stop eating meat.

Though there is no conclusive evidence about the effectiveness of these stickers, white people show no signs of abandoning the campaign. In fact, there is a popular tale in white mythology that tells of an unenlightened man driving on the freeway who saw a bumper sticker on the back of a Subaru station wagon that said “Go Veg.” The sticker was so moving that he threw the hamburger he was eating right out the window and became a vegetarian on the spot. Two days later, he affixed the same bumper sticker to their car and the process began anew until enough people had changed their views to form what we now know as the city of Portland, Oregon.

The only other acceptable sticker option for white people is the white oval country tag sticker used commonly in Europe to help identify cars that cross international borders. Though they actually serve a function in Europe, white people use the stickers to show people where they like to take vacations. If you know a white person with one of these stickers, it’s always a good idea to ask them about where they got the sticker. Your question will justify the presence of the sticker and make the white person feel great.

If you have decided that you want to improve your status with white people by applying a bumper sticker to your car do not make the assumption that you can just use anything! Stickers that support right wing politics, guns, patriotism, war, or hunting are all unacceptable. It is also unacceptable to use a sticker with a clever slogan that does not support a left wing political cause. Any of these stickers will likely end any chance you had of befriending a white person.]]> Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:03:52 -0400 85355 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=84031
* I got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail.
* Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
* Parents in Bevery Hills are considering raising their own children.
* I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart.
* Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
* A prostitute asked me if she could borrow $20 until she can get back on her back.
* I saw a van full of legal immigrants illegally crossing the border into Mexico.
* I saw four CEOs playing miniature golf.
* Even people who aren’t in Barack Obama’s cabinet aren’t paying taxes.

Oh wait, that’s only 9 of them… darn recession is scaling down everything.]]> Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:56:12 -0400 84031 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=84009 up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal.
I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside.Then the gator
will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove
my unit unscathed.

In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped
his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator
closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer
bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of it's head. The gator opened
his mouth and the man removed his genital, unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood
up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A Blonde woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on
the head with the beer bottle."


]]> Wed, 07 Oct 2009 01:55:49 -0400 84009 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=82576 Q1: Why are condoms transparent?
So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!

Q2: Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...

Q3: New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.

Q3: Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again....

Q4: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.

Q5: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.

Q6: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!

Q7: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later

Q8: Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell

They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!

Q9: My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple! ]]> Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:23:22 -0400 82576 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=82508 The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel.'

The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls
his pants down and has wild and insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it ?'

Sergeant replied, 'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town.
That's where the girls are.' ]]> Wed, 09 Sep 2009 11:39:46 -0400 82508 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=82359
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit..'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.]]> Mon, 07 Sep 2009 09:33:47 -0400 82359 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=81943 Here's a joke I wanted to share that had a good point if you really thought about it and FUNNY!
*Read it carefully to get the concept of the message*.

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all encountered when someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-*-*-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far a** kissing will take you.
A-*-*-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there,
it's the Bulls**t and A** Kissing that will put you over the top!

I laughed when I first read this joke...hope you enjoyed it!

-Denise S.

Winter Holiday SALE!
Huge Savings for Your Holiday Shopping]]> Mon, 31 Aug 2009 19:02:39 -0400 81943 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=81891

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter,
who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him
a menu. "I'm sorry, Sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu.
Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it
and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to
the dirty pile and picks up a greasy fork. he returns to the blind
man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to
his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just
happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings
him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again
retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath,
the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the macaroni and cheese with
broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man
is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man
comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and
runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the
blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind
man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork
ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff
and says, "Hey, I didn't know that Mary worked here?"



]]> Sun, 30 Aug 2009 17:37:22 -0400 81891 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=81819

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know
which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.

There is a Wal- Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on.
She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and
reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that
it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said,
"That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...
It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman
breaks wind big-time. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there
is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was
the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00,
and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."

]]> Fri, 28 Aug 2009 23:48:31 -0400 81819 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=81769
The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, "If you're blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?"

The blind carpenter says, "I can tell any piece of lumber by it's smell."

The foreman says "O.K. I'll give you a test and if you pass the test, you've got a job."

The foreman takes the carpenter over to a table and says, "I will put some lumber on a table in front of you and you tell me what it is."

The foreman then puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!"

The carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other. He says "That's a number two pine, two by four, eight foot long."

The foreman says, "Duh! That's right, but pine is easy to tell by the smell and I think you guessed the rest. Here's another piece of lumber for you to identify."

The foreman puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!"

The blind carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other and says, "This is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side."

The foreman does this and says "Ready!"

The carpenter takes another deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He then says, "That's a clear heart red wood, four by four, six foot long."

The foreman is amazed and says "That's right, but I still think you're just lucky and still guessing. Let me try one more time and if you get it right you got a job."

The foreman then goes into the office and asks his secretary to help him stump the blind carpenter by taking off all of her clothes and laying down on the table. She takes off her clothes walks out of the office and lays face down on the table. The foreman says, "Ready!"

The blind carpenter takes a deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He looks puzzled and takes another sniff and says, "This also is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side."

The foreman gestures with his hand to the secretary, she rolls over, and the foreman says, "Ready!"

The blind carpenter moves his head from side to side again looking puzzled. He sniffs one more time, looks surprised, and says, "I got it. That's a S*** house door off a tuna boat."

He got the job.

]]> Fri, 28 Aug 2009 05:49:42 -0400 81769 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=81701
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some
bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in
order.' The woman was shocked but managed to compose herself and
walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we
celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't
well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber.
There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually
approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as
to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end,
'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.' The friends were aghast, gave the
woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and
whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and
you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do
that??'

'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your
father after I'm gone.'

And THAT, my friends, is what is called,'Putting Your Affairs In Order
]]> Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:25:44 -0400 81701 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=81553
I know but that's really hurt

]]> Mon, 24 Aug 2009 10:53:57 -0400 81553 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=81480 The next time your ready to throw your hands up and feel like you have the worst job going,
think of this image to lift your spirits.
]]> Sun, 23 Aug 2009 10:03:43 -0400 81480 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=80937 Indian goes to an Australian grocery store

An Indian goes to Australia and goes to Woolworths (a grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food.

The Sardar goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

Next week the Indian comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag.

The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and immediately takes it out. He shouts at the Indian, What the F*** is this? Is this S*** you idiot?

The Indian calmly replies; Yes and I want to buy toilet paper

]]> Thu, 13 Aug 2009 03:26:43 -0400 80937 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=80389

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."

This third Catholic crone says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2" hard-bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh, my God...'."

]]> Mon, 03 Aug 2009 10:19:42 -0400 80389 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=80388 Types of farters


VAIN
A person who loves the smell of his own farts

AMIABLE
A person who loves the smell of other people's farts

PROUD
A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine

SHY
A person who releases silent farts and then blushes

IMPUDENT
A person who boldly farts out loud and then laughs

UNFORTUNATE
A person who tries awfully hard to fart but poops instead

SCIENTIFIC
A person who farts regularly but is only concerned about pollution

NERVOUS
A person who stops in the middle of his fart

HONEST
A person who admits he farted but offers good medical reasons

DISHONEST
A person who farts and then blames the dog

FOOLISH
A person who suppresses a fart for hours and hours

THRIFTY
A person who has several good farts in reserve

ANTI-SOCIAL
A person who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy

STRATEGIC
A person who conceals his farts with loud coughing

SADISTIC
A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the cover over his bedmate

INTELLECTUAL
A person who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart precisely the latest food item consumed

ATHLETIC
A person who farts at the slightest exertion

MISERABLE
A person who would truly love to, but can't fart at all

SENSITIVE
A person who farts and then starts crying
]]> Mon, 03 Aug 2009 10:08:12 -0400 80388