Humour, Jokes and Comedy Clips http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:51:38 -0500 1440 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=142541
DNS Help Desk: Have you tried pushing the Button?

DNS User: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

DNS Help Desk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

DNS User: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....




Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer "No."

Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."



Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support:: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"]]> Tue, 31 Jan 2012 10:08:22 -0500 142541 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=142462 ]]> Mon, 30 Jan 2012 09:09:16 -0500 142462 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=141617 wait for your salary. ---> more jokes look at in my signature... ]]> Wed, 18 Jan 2012 02:19:01 -0500 141617 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=141526 "Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."]]> Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:41:38 -0500 141526 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=141171 brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
]]> Wed, 11 Jan 2012 00:27:54 -0500 141171 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=140536 Who's there?
Abbott!
Abbott who?
Abbott time you answered the door!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ahmed!
Ahmed who?
Ahmedeus Motzart!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alaska!
Alaska who?
Alaska my friend the question then!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alfred!
Alfred who!
Alfred of the dark!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alma!
Alma who?
Alma not going to tell you!"
]]> Tue, 03 Jan 2012 00:33:50 -0500 140536 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=138934 the easiest ways to make money online, to date.click on the Link
http://paynize.com/ref.php?page=act/ref&invcod=3315 to get easy
money]]> Sat, 10 Dec 2011 01:41:50 -0500 138934 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=138851
Teacher: What grows from soil?

Student: He replied that it is a worm.]]> Fri, 09 Dec 2011 04:07:21 -0500 138851 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=136864
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8.Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get another dog??

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting..

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.]]> Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:41:38 -0500 136864 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=136852
The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

]]> Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:12:01 -0500 136852 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=136758 Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'

------------


Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented.
It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'.. .
and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.

------------

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone

------------


Coca-Cola was originally green.

------------


It is impossible to lick your elbow.

------------


The cost of raising a medium-size dog
to the age of eleven:
$10,120.00

------------

The first novel ever
written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

------------

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents
a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

------------

111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

------------

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
of natural causes

------------


Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand

------------

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

------------

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

------------

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on.
Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'

------------

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

------------


In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts....
So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down’.

It's where we get the phrase: 'mind your P's and Q's'

------------

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.


------------

At least 75% of people who read this will try to
lick their elbow! How about those other hard to reach parts?


------------

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it. Try It!


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This
is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?


------------


YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2011 when...


1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.


2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.


3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family
of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries...

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom
of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting
your coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no 9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't
a 9 on this list


~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~


NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends.
You know you want to!
And stop trying to lick your elbow!
]]> Tue, 15 Nov 2011 23:18:06 -0500 136758 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=136753
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse, he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies ’ I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....this is what I asked you.......
'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?']]> Tue, 15 Nov 2011 21:08:16 -0500 136753 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=136732
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A Blonde Girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

"What's that ?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the Blonde Girl sympathetically, "That must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."]]> Tue, 15 Nov 2011 14:58:58 -0500 136732 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=136719
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both..

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."]]> Tue, 15 Nov 2011 10:46:34 -0500 136719 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=136691
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."]]> Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:55:16 -0500 136691 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=136634
The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades.
She says to him, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway......

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lbs Test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She is amazed that he can tell that, and bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.

At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes......there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

She paid it and left without saying a word.
]]> Mon, 14 Nov 2011 23:46:09 -0500 136634 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=136502

Key words-
Jo hua-that happened

So hua-has happend

Ye kya hua-now what happend.


These are indian words.]]> Sun, 13 Nov 2011 10:25:33 -0500 136502 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=136443
Well here it is:
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!!]]> Sat, 12 Nov 2011 13:46:58 -0500 136443 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=135782
Once Very Funny Girl comes late to class.

Teacher: Why are you late?

Very Funny Girl : One boy was following me, sir.

Teacher: So, What?

Very Funny Girl : That boy was walking very slow. ]]> Sat, 05 Nov 2011 05:20:32 -0400 135782 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=135654 Allowing You To Stare At
People Without Getting
Caught.
It's Like Facebook In Real Life.]]> Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:15:13 -0400 135654