Humour, Jokes and Comedy Clips http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php Tue, 21 May 2013 01:21:27 -0400 1440 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=175975 One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information"

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
]]> Thu, 02 May 2013 08:58:46 -0400 175975 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=175974 One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information"

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
]]> Thu, 02 May 2013 08:55:45 -0400 175974 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=175973
Q: Why did the owl, owl?
A: Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!

Q: What is a polygon?
A: A dead parrot!

Q: What flies through the jungle singing opera?
A: The parrots of Penzance!

Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
A: A firequaker!

Q: What is a parrot's favorite game?
A: Hide and Speak!

Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

Q: What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?
A: 'The pheasants are revolting'!

Q: What is the definition of Robin?
A: A bird who steals!

Q: When is the best time to buy budgies?
A: When they're going cheap!]]> Thu, 02 May 2013 08:48:09 -0400 175973 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=175971
"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."

The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
]]> Thu, 02 May 2013 08:44:10 -0400 175971 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=173598 Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints and got stuck in the thick head.

Paddy Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

Paddy Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling: "AH YOU LITTLE THIEF! SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!"]]> Tue, 02 Apr 2013 06:44:12 -0400 173598 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=173597
An inflatable dartboard

A chocolate kettle

A soluble life-raft

A self-righting aspirin

A solar-powered torch]]> Tue, 02 Apr 2013 06:42:46 -0400 173597 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=173596 "I want you to eat regularly for two days," he tells her. "Then skip a day and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly four stone. "Why that's amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger you mean?" Asks the doctor.
"No," replies the blonde, "from skipping."]]> Tue, 02 Apr 2013 06:41:05 -0400 173596 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=173517
here's mine !!

chatur's speech in 3 idiots

Adarniya sabhapati mahodaya …atithi vishesh shikshan mantri shri R D tripati [tripathi] ji ..maanyaniya shikshagan aur mere piyaaare [pyare] sahpatiyo [sahapathiyon]
…aaj agar I.C.E aasmaan ki bulaaandiyo [bulandiyon] ko chhu raahaa [raha] hai ..to uska shreya sirrf [sirf] ekinsaan [ek insaan] ko jaataahai [jata hai] shri veerusahastra buddhe ..give him a big hand ..he is a great guy really ..
Peechle buttis saal se inhone nirantar is college mein balatkar [balaatkaar] pe balatkar kiye ..umeed hai aagey bee [bhi] karte rahege [rahenge] ..hamine to aashcharya hota hai ki ek insaan apne jeevan kaal mein itni balatkar kaisi kar sakta hai …inhone kadi tapaasya se apne aapko is kaabil bunaya [banaya] hai ..waqt ka sahi upyog ghante ka purna istemaal koi inse seeke [seekhe]..seeke inse seeke ….aaj hum sab chaatra yaha hai ..kal desh videsh mein fail [faael] jayenge ..waadaa hai aapse jis desh mein honge waha balatkar karenge I.C.E ka naam roshan karenge …dika [dikha] denge sabko jo balatkar Karne ki shamtaa yaha ke chaatro mein hai wo sansaar ke kisi chaatro mein nahiii ….No other chaatra No other chaatra
Adarniya mantraji namashkar aapne is sansthaan ko wo chees di jiski hamein sakht zaroorat thi …sstunn ..stunn hota sabi [sab hi] ke paas hai ..sab chupa ke rakte hai ..detaa koi nai …aapne apna stun is balatkari purush ke haat mein diya hai…ab dekiye yeh kaisa iska upyog karta hai
Sanskrit shalok:-
Utthamum dadhdadaath paadam…Madhyam paadam thuchuk chuk …Ghanisthah thud thudi paadam…Surr surri praan gatakam..]]> Mon, 01 Apr 2013 13:32:41 -0400 173517 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=173515
Joe asked: ''Where's Gary?''

And one of his friends said: ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''

Joe says: ''Well it could have been worse.''

Both his friends said: ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''

Joe says: ''If it had happened two days ago, I would be dead now!"
]]> Mon, 01 Apr 2013 13:10:56 -0400 173515 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=172927

"Of course I do," he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.


At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.


The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.


"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed.


"I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!]]> Mon, 25 Mar 2013 02:34:14 -0400 172927 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=172687
--- I stayed up all night to see where the sun goes. It dawned on me.

--- I read a book about anti-gravity. I could not put it down.

--- Class trip to the pepsi factory. I hope there is no pop quiz.

--- Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

--- How to make holy water? Boil the hell out of it !!]]> Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:50:47 -0400 172687 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=172168
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, becasue you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do no, infact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk aobut sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my duaghter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early".

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chan saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid,. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camoflaged face at the window is mine.]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 04:26:01 -0400 172168 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=171775
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.]]> Sat, 09 Mar 2013 13:25:26 -0500 171775 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=171585
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf!]]> Thu, 07 Mar 2013 01:00:42 -0500 171585 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=171396
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

----www.politicalhumor.com---]]> Mon, 04 Mar 2013 17:22:33 -0500 171396 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=171296 2 Mr. Naw, I Don't Have A Girl
3 Mr. Big Balla
4 Mr. I'm In The Industry
5 Mr. Intellectual
6 Mr. Ghetto
7 Mr. I'm A Righteous Black Man
8 Mr. Too Damn Good
9 Mr. PLaya
10 Mr. I have A Job
11 Mr. Best Friend
12 Mr. Right

For explainations visit
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/forward-...-types-men.html]]> Sun, 03 Mar 2013 14:51:16 -0500 171296 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=171008

I saw this ad a few weeks ago and found it funny.
Check it out

Metro Train - Funny Ad]]> Wed, 27 Feb 2013 13:44:35 -0500 171008 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=170943 A place where celebs are demi-gods and common man...well????You will see innumerable Bmws driven past the beggar,The majestic monuments shattered and you know its india!!! The food is awesomest but theres no hygiene n education...not necessary to fetch a job only here in india.... comes the World-cup,the nation goes crazy..people treated like trash yet they are happy...for they manage to get a ticket of rs 600 for 4000!!! it happens only in INdia Corruption..a veryyyyy familier word here is a veryyyy familier secene!!!yet We love india..our BEautiful INdia..the incredible INdia.. Does that prove the theorem that-- "LOVE is bliNd"????????]]> Wed, 27 Feb 2013 02:23:21 -0500 170943 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=169536 We are talking aboutny thought from it. Personal injury online project management is very important for life. Personal injury online project managements is also important for love. For more to know about personal injury online project management we have to know about dating types. For know it we have to visit many websites. Given website is one of them. We have to read it. We live a good life by reading it. There are many personal injury online project management. Given site is one of them. It is a helpful site. Anyone can get important information from the site. People will be pleasured by the site. Visit it and enjoy it. Wed, 06 Feb 2013 14:12:23 -0500 169536 http://www.dreamteammoney.com/index.php?showtopic=169081
Which on is your favorite?

http://socialmediabar.com/banned-super-bowl-commercials

Enjoy!]]> Fri, 01 Feb 2013 03:36:10 -0500 169081